I remember being around 8 or 9 while wandering around the school playground by myself, then I heard a lively yet considerate voice ask me if I was okay- it was Alex! it was his first day at Coleridge and he was being shown around the school by the teachers and the students as they were giving him a tour. after the tour and interacting with the kids, my being by my lonesome must have stuck out like a sore sad thumb. many teachers/kids would have ignored me as it was kind of known that I was having trouble with both of them. I was frequently bullied by most of the kids, and many of the teachers at the time didn't know how to help or grew tired of even helping.


I felt alienated from the whole school, I couldn't join in the fun and put on a brave face or pretend to be happy about anything. so I kept to myself. For me, joining in on the tour would have been difficult for me- being around people who do not like me and would isolate me from taking part- so I just didn't bother.



so for this upcoming teacher (pretty much a stranger to me at the time) to introduce himself and to ask if I was okay. speaks volumes as to who he was as a person. he could see me for who I was, he immediately understood what my story was as a student and as a child growing up around other children and teachers. It was in his nature to show an interest in people, to care about them. to take the time to let people know that he sees us and that he's here for us. he genuinely cared, and he was authentically thoughtful and selfless. it wasn't a teacher mode that he switched on to convey to others around him that he was just doing a job. he was that caring person inside and out, regardless of the setting, and to whom he was talking. 


From his first day, everyone was immediately excited to have such a jovial presence on the school campus. little did I know that this was a sign that good things are to come as he would end up being my teacher.


I didn't know what to expect from my first interaction with him, to be honest when he started talking to me I still didn't know what to expect- I had such a bad experience with teachers, I couldn't pick up on how genuinely caring he was. A rarity in most teacher-student conversations. I responded by pessimistically brushing him off, saying " you do not need to talk to me", "don't worry, no one really cares about me ", "you can go back to everyone else", and "no one wants me around so I'm just on my own". still maintaining his positive demeanor, he enquired about my claims and asked "why?" and "that can't be true why would you say that?" He would take any dismissive response as an answer. it was almost like his duty to help as well as understand. h wouldn't give an unhelpful response, he validated my feelings and wanted to put end to whatever negative feelings I had.


after that interaction, I still couldn't quite understand it, but I felt better in some way.


when he became my teacher, I never once saw a slip in his personality despite any opposition from the students, he remained a positive- problem-solving superhero. nothing would shake him and his mission to help the kids. he was positive towards everyone and himself. That's probably why I never saw him get angry. I don't think anyone would fault them if he did schools are tough sometimes kids can be hard to control and can under your skin. but he never buckled under the pressure. often responding with an upbeat dad-like joke in response. He knew what kind of person he was and he applied that to any obstacle he had. That level of strength is something I can only hope to develop as I get older.


when he was my teacher I often went to him about problems I had with students and other teachers. as I stated before I had some emotional issues due to the constant antagonism of fellow peers. I was often very emotional and very frustrated with everyone and the school as a whole. I never looked forward to going in. on some level I probably felt guilty for bombarding my teacher with my problems that showed no signs of stopping. but like I stated before Mr. Pepe never lost sight of what he wanted to do as a teacher. no matter how hard I was hurting, or how angry and upset I was at the time, he always had the patience to listen, help and give me the wake-up call that I needed.


after my tumultuous final year at primary school. the whole school year managed to go to PGL. while I still found some problems dealing with fellow students and even friends. Mr. Pepe was always right around the corner t to comfort any child who felt homesick, felt alone, and just needed someone to talk to as a whole. he wasn't just the student's emotional support he took part in a lot of activities like rock climbing, zip-lining, and dancing.  He was always excited to take part. His joyful attitude had an obvious effect on the children around him. he encouraged them to step out of their shells, and experience fun.

At some point, before I moved into the next phase in my life, I thanked him for being there for me, and he recalled back to when he first met me. He told me after speaking with me on his first day, he told me what his purpose was as a teacher, "to help children like Deja" he remembered how lonely I was when he first met me. I thought he was just being nice, but it wasn't until I got older that I realized how honest he was being. as a kid with trust issues towards most adults, I couldn't fathom the idea of someone really going away from and still think about the wellbeing of a child, let alone acknowledging what they said/how they felt at the time. many adults wouldn't take a mental note of such specific details. He cared.

the last time I saw Mr. Pepe is when I was coming back from secondary school (two years since I left primary) once again I was still struggling at school and felt alienated from anyone.


it wasn't until I saw Mr. Pepe and waved him over. he seemed excited to see one of his former students, still that happy person after all these years. we caught up and gave each other updates as to what were doing at the time. he was teaching another year. I was telling him about what year group I was in and where I was now studying. he continued to say that he missed his former year group, how he was happy to see me, and how he hoped that I was doing okay.


I couldn't help myself but I started to cry. just like how I did back when he was my teacher. as if he still WAS my teacher. because it dawned on me (being a little bit older) how lucky I was to have a teacher who cared and did his best to help as humanly possible, I felt guilty that I didn't show my appreciation as much, and how I could've been kinder as a kid. I was so in my head and fixated on my problems that couldn't acknowledge that I finally had an ally, not even an ally, but a friend. someone to help me when I needed it, someone, to hear me when I needed to be heard, and someone to level with me when I needed to be told that I had potential, and I can work through what I needed to work through. I broke down crying because I didn't have that before I met him and even after being his student.

I still ran into problems with students and teachers- only worsening my trust in my peers and authority figures at school, worsening my confidence in myself, and my control over my emotions. it felt as if the cycle repeated, or it got worse. I felt as if I let him down and his teachings and words of encouragement were wasted on me. I didn't tell him that because I wanted him to be happy.


we eventually said goodbye. and went our separate ways. as sad I was to leave. his kind words, his presence made the world stop. I could live in a moment where I felt safe and genuinely happy.


I am 19 now, I changed secondary schools shortly after meeting him, I created new friends, I learned to have more control over myself and my emotions, I've learned to appreciate people in my life, I've learned to protect and stand for myself in better ways, and I've learned to shape my path in my life where I feel relatively happy and in control of my life. I feel like a very different person. I've almost mentally blocked most of my primary school experience.

It wasn't until I recently heard the news of Mr. Pepe's passing that it all came flooding back to me. it also put things into perspective now as an adult. He was incredibly strong and fearless. never afraid to express how he was feeling, and even would project his positive attitude towards everyone. He never let anyone shame him into feeling anything else. I looked back at photos of him and I was hit with a powerful force of sadness. He was a beautiful soul, a rare soul, a special soul who deserved the world. he did so much for a lot of people. I can only hope that he was shown how much he was appreciated. 


He was like a superman on a nonstop mission to help all kids from all walks of life, experiences, and different schooling situations, or lack their off. he was like a non-stop freight train of determination. whether I knew it at the time or not, Mr. Pepe's presence was very important to my development as a person. As a think back to my childhood I feel different, I'm less afraid to look back, I'm less angry because I now know, against all the odds I had someone like him in it. Mr. Pepe is the kind of person to restore your faith in humanity. I think he restored a lot of kids' faith in the world around them and themselves when they needed it.


He is one of a kind, I could only hope that the attitude he displayed will only be paid forward by the beautiful people in his life that had the privilege to meet him. whether you are a family member of his or a student of his, let's keep the spirit and teachings of Mr. Pepe alive any way we can. there are not a lot of people like him, so let's do our share of making the world just as beautiful as it was when he was here.

Rest in peace, Mr. Pepe. we love you so much.